How did I do it? . . . Yesterday

It’s hard to believe I had appendicitis over and over and over again. That I had an enormous infection that was working at paralyzing my digestion over and over again.

I came across this picture this morning from the release of “Anne” and so many thoughts came. I spent the week before laying around with what I, and everyone else thought was severe PTSD symptoms. I finally dragged myself to get up and dressed this day while still having severe abdominal pain, having dropped down to 100 pounds yet again, and having not showered for two or three days.

There was so much in this photo that I didn’t have figured out, even though it was effecting my life drastically, and I can’t help thinking, “Rachel, it was right on front of your nose! How come you didn’t see it?”

“How could I have been so blind?”

I’ve have moments I get mad at myself, I feel stupid. I was in severe pain. I could barely eat or move, and I didn’t do enough to fix it. But, the truth is that I did everything to fix it. Maybe I didn’t make an appointment with the doctor who would have found it, but I saw every doctor they told me to. Maybe I endured pain I should have gone to the emergency room for, but it was endurable. Maybe most people would have done something differently! And that will be true for everyone, in every situation.

You could have done yesterday differently, but you were just living. You could have laughed more when you didn’t know it was the last time you’d see your friend, you could have held on longer to a brother you didn’t know a virus would keep you away from all year, you could have soaked up more sunshine before it set, and let yourself look at the mountain view one more time.

But you don’t, because you’re living. You don’t want to go along in every happy moment, trying to savor it for when you loose it. That would take away every happy moment, and give it to sadness you don’t have to suffer yet.

Even if I could have done ten million things differently this year, I think I’ll be glad I didn’t. And I don’t know why yet! I haven’t been that far, but I’m pretty sure you’ll be glad you are human and you don’t do every moment the way you would have looking back on it. Because the person looking back on today, is a different person. They couldn’t have done today like you’re doing today, only you can that, and that’s INCREDIBLE.

When the Pen Runs Dry

The pen stops racing across the page, the words don’t flow, the paper looks extra empty.

It’s happened to you, it’s happened to every writer.

Do you know what I think about writers’ block? I love it.

I was moaning while I was trying to write a first draft, and my brother said, “Pain breeds creativity.” I wanted to say, “Are you crazy?!” But, after a moment, I realized that I completely agree.

Photo by Pixabay on

Writers’ block is a gateway. It’s a mountain that has to be climbed to see the view. There is so much ahead of that block, but you have to do the work to get there!

I write full-time. (I know that’s an opportunity not many of us get.) I have to write everyday. I have to work. I have to be creative when I feel the juices aren’t flowing and I’m all dried up. When we’re not at a stage when we can write full-time, we need to use the time we do have even more wisely.

You need to actually write when it’s writing time!

I believe that the ability to create even when you don’t feel particularly creative is a skill that we can learn. We don’t have to feel inspired every time we write, but we can still write.

Being able to do that, starts in your thoughts.

Yep, these are mental games friends. Are you ready to learn?

I’m going to give you three golden nuggets. But, first, what is your first thoughts when you sit to write? Imagine yourself sitting down with your notebook or at your computer, talking into your phone, whatever you do when you are going to write. What are you thinking? Are there sentences going through your head?

There are probably a lot. It these thoughts have anything to do with “not feeling creative, so you can’t write,” keep reading!

Photo by Lum3n on

These are three new thoughts for you;

one: “I am a writer. I have the skill of writing. This skill has been cultivated, I’ve practiced. I can write if I want to right now.”

two: “I have a plan. I have a lot of words in my head, but I have the ability to organize them, even when it takes time. I’ll accomplish good things during this time.”

three: “I write for me first. These are my words. I understand what I want to say, but I am constantly going toward having my audience understand these thoughts. The process is as important as that end goal.

There you go.

Use those thoughts, any that resonate with you, or think up your own. This is about the skill that you have, and using that skill in your writing time. You can do what you want to and accomplish your goals. But, the goal for today’s writing is that you get onto paper (or screen) some of the words and ideas inside your head.

Go for that goal today, writer!

Continue reading “When the Pen Runs Dry”

When I was a kid . . .

Whenever I see an old photograph, I instantly wonder about the lives of the people in them.

You see that little girl? What is she thinking about her baby sister? What kind of relationship will they have? Will this girl go to college? Will she realize her worth, or will it take a little longer for her to figure all of that out?

I wonder about the people in old photos.

Do we think about the people we pass on the street? What are there stories? WHO are they?

Beyond the clothes, hair, eyes; who are these people?

I KNOW the little girl in the photo. I know what her life will be, at least until she’s 21 years, 9 months and 29 days old. That’s me. But I do wonder what the future holds.

Photo by Daria Obymaha on

I also wonder that for so many people I see and talk to.

When I think this way about other people, like I think about myself, my future, my story, I see so much more of who they really are.

I can’t see everything about them, but I feel so much connection, so much care for people I’ve only known for a moment. I think that can make my world better.

I think it can make yours better two! Try it.


“I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger”

I’ve always loved this song. It changes your life too never lose wonder. Life is amazing! “I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens . . .

Photo by Daria Shevtsova on

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance”

DANCE! Love life so fully! You’ll never ever regret it. “I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin’ might mean takin’ chances, but they’re worth takin’
Lovin’ might be a mistake, but it’s worth makin’
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance

Instagram Perfect

I’ve always been uncomfortable with the conversation around body positivity, and loving our bodies. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am an advocate for respecting, caring for, and yes, loving our bodies!

But, I feel that the current way these things are talked about is not helping anybody.

I’ve seen countless women post photos of themselves that reveal some “flaw,” something that they say is how real women look, and that is photoshopped out on so many photos that we see.

Girls are told that “everyone has cellulite,” “everyone has stretch marks.”

I have to say that I didn’t know anyone had things like that until I got an Instagram account two years ago. I literally had to google cellulite!

The thing is, no, not all women have stretch marks. Some do, some don’t. The same thing goes for every other inch of our bodies, we don’t look like anyone else!

I don’t know when we, as women, decided that we need to give other women permission to… well, look like us!

I don’t look like most of the photos that say “every women looks like this.” I look more like the photos that are held up as examples of what “real” women don’t look like. I quite naturally have abs, hold no fat, have tiny waste, no stretch marks, no cellulite.

And still, I’m a “real” woman.

No matter how you look, you do not need permission from another woman to look that way. That woman does not need to say some other girl is fake and photoshopped in order to be “real.”

What it boils down to, is that we do not need to compare our bodies to another human’s body.

So, no matter how tempting it is to want to see others that look like we do, or be validated in our beauty, DON’T fall into that! Go out and use that amazing body that is full of life, and make a full life for yourself!

You won’t ever get that life from your looks.

Short, Petite, Small…

All of the main female characters I write are short! It’s funny how much it feels like I’m getting into someone else’s head when I write.

I like writing in first person, and each character is completely different from myself!

But, they’re short. 

It’s hard to get out of certain mind sets, or out of my own vocabulary, quirks, and habits. Or my own physicality!

I’m one of the smallest people you’ll ever meet. My work is to imagine! But I haven’t ever been able to imagine being on a different scale than I’ve been for my entire life.

I tried to force it once and ended up with a small, dark straight-haired girl who used to be a criminal.

She was still small.

I decided to except that my main characters are going to be a little small.

Where are my short friends? Leave a comment.

Photo by luizclas on

People Are Amazing!

I am so amazed by the body’s ability to bounce back!

Now, healing doesn’t quite feel like bouncing, but I know that I’m healing! And it’s amazing to feel and experience. Yesterday, I posted a short video on Instagram where I jumped into the screen and fell back on my bed, and stood back up fairly fast.

It was so much fun! And you know what? I did it! Before I got sick I wouldn’t have even considered the physical act of doing all of that. While I’ve been healing I’ve had to consider a ton of physical things! Back in February I would park outside the grocery store, turn the car off, and just sigh. Looking at the space between where I was in the car (even if I got a spot right by the handicap zone) was just too much. I wasn’t able to imagine making it from my car to that door.

Yesterday, I still thought about the action of falling and getting up again. It was a little slower in the video than I would have liked it to be, or how it would have been six months ago, but I did it!


Photo by Maksim Goncharenok on

Her Eyes on His Hand

I wrote this poem three years ago. I can’t believe it’s been that long! I was so nervous to submit it to a poetry contest, but it won! And was printed in Things Above Magazine in their October 2017 edition. Hope you enjoy it now!

Photo by Agnese Lunecka on

Her Eyes on His Hand

Her eyes on his hand,
The Golden Scepter there.
Life at its command,
As she draws ever near.
She fasted and prayed,
For strength more than her own.
Trusting in God's aid,
She was never alone.
Did her throat tighten?
Yes, I can see it now.
And her face whiten,
As she knelt down to bow?
Girl of years gone by,
And I, a girl of today.
Look up and rely,
On He who knows the way.
Does my throat grow tight?
Yes, I can feel it now.
But faith in God’s might,
Will see me through somehow.
So long have I prayed,
For strength more than my own.
Trusting in God’s aid,
I am never alone.
He is always there,
My true and constant friend.
He answers every prayer,
And guides me to the end.
My future, unknown,
Now I look forward too.
My courage has grown,
Doing all I must do.
My eyes on His hand,
All my faith resting there.
Life at His command,
As I draw ever near.

Three things about me.


Three things about me;

1️⃣ Sometimes I eat cake for breakfast. I love good things in life, sometimes that means cake for breakfast, sometimes that means cauliflower. Whatever that means TODAY I enjoy it! I love to have fun, be silly, be me!

2️⃣ I write better with blue ink. Yes, I’m a sensitive person. I appreciate this about myself! I am sensitive to the people around me, the places I’m in, and to the situations I go through.

3️⃣ I don’t hug often, and every hug means a lot. I’m somewhat guarded. I don’t trust easily, and I don’t spread that fact around very often. It takes time for me to trust. My love language is actually physical touch, but you have to be someone I really care about!

We are all so different! It is so much fun.