Why I hate my book . . .

Do you want to know why I hate my book?

It’s kind of crazy. I am so excited about releasing Lilly soon!

But I’m not gonna lie. It’s been a long, rough road to finishing this book. I started writing it a few years ago, and I thought I was going to release it six months ago, but I got sick, stayed sick, moved, and have been recovering.

THIS is the most difficult stage of publishing a novel for me. I’m working with my editor to do our last edit before our last read-through. I have EIGHT drafts of this book! I am finished!

I don’t know if it’s only something authors will understand, but . . . I hate my book. No, it’s for real. At this point, leading up to publication, the deep desire I had for ya’ll to read my words suddenly vanishes and is replaced by a desire to hide that book under a rock!

It sounds crazy. But right now I am totally doubting myself, doubting any talent, or ability I thought I might have had. In my mind, I am a terrible writer and my book is garbage.

Now, don’t worry, my book isn’t garbage, and I don’t actually think I’m worthless.

This feeling comes for every book I publish. It’s actually so scary to feel, and I’ve never understood it. At all!

Yesterday, I started to think that maybe this feeling comes because this is the point that I really get hard on myself. I’m reading my book, looking for anything that isn’t perfect and might need changed. For my story to resonate with you, my reader, I have to use the right words, in the right order and combination. Every word has to work together to convey what I want you to imagine, think, and feel.

I love refining my writing, but with this mindset of reaching for perfection, I’m terrified! But I love refining my writing. This part of the process is what can make my writing actually have an impact when it’s read!

So, I’ll keep going, even if it’s agonizing some days, and hopefully “Lilly” will come to you VERY soon, polished and perfected; ready to suck you into the story and take you on a journey with the characters I’ve grown to know so well.

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